Let’s face it....this is a tough subject.  It is not Dr. Phil.  It isn’t Oprah.  It’s just some rambling from an unknown.

Some of you have had either the fortune or the misfortune of long term marriages or relationships.  Others have had failed marriages or sudden terminations, either by death or separation (unperceived no doubt).

When one reaches their 40’s, 50’s or 60’s.....he or she feels it is the end of anything worth dreaming for.  The dreams will never happen.  Life will go one, but you feel it has ended.  It will never be fulfilling.  True or False? I have so many thoughts on this that I cannot express them in a short blog....so this is a short version of my headbanging.

Over the last several years, I have taken in or observed various relationships and various personalities.  I, am by no means proclaiming myself to be a perfect person, as I have been subjected to two terminations or relationships in the last two years.  One was after a 15 year relationship that I thought would never end and never wanted to end.  The other, was on the rebound but I wasn’t in it for a rebound effect and it lasted eleven months.  I was in it with all sincerity.  What was or is wrong with me.....?  I never understood the male mind.....nothing is forever, there is no committal, and there is definitely nothing infinite !  Hmmm.  Women understand women and many women give into men to try and please them, but men never try to please women......well most don’t.

Observations:  there are those who don’t know what they want and just continue on the paths they know best.  This means usually, that they fail in what they do because if they didn’t succeed in the first relationship, there was a reason, and therefore the failures continue.

Others, take it upon themselves to use others and manipulate the situation to their advantage.  They play poor victims, promising that when they are stronger, they will repay everything and more.  However, this NEVER happens.  It only gets worse.  Usually, the person who is attracted to help this kind of person ends up as being either physically or mentally abused, or both.

Then, there are the players who sneak up as honest, well to do individuals, who have never in their own minds done anything wrong to their partners !  A player is a player and cheating is justified in their own minds as non cheating, no matter what.   A secret telephone call, or internet chat or sms message is seen as innocent in their minds.....

I am over simplifying, I know.  But these are only observations....so take them for what they are....my personal observations.

I’ve seen people who have been together for over 50 years (my parents included), but it’s hard to tell if they are happy with each other or whether they just don’t know how to live alone and without each other.

I’ve seen people who have been together for more than 30 years and by whatever situation (death or separation), they suddenly feel they have little time left so they want to go crazy and become frivolous idiots with people’s lives....selfish.

I’ve seen people who have been together for only a few months and for whatever reasons, there is always one who doesn’t love the other and just doesn’t care about that person, only themself.  This causes such agony and turmoil and sometimes, alcoholism, suicide or drugs enter that person’s life to make it more bearable, day by day.  This is the true experience I feel that confusion and loneliness have lead to alcohol, drugs, tobacco...whatever it all is is not good.  These are things that kill people because they are toxic.

Life isn’t easy....by any means.  But, it is from observation, studying and analysis that leads some to either fail or succeed.  Having experienced some of the scenarios  above, I am still here today, trying to understand and push forward, unlike so many others who are struggling. It becomes more complicated as we grow older because there are so many generational differences that have taken place....was this always the case?

One observation:  men are not the same as women and women may never understand what men are.    Some people are home bodies or resistant to change and others (like me) thrive on change and new things...learning.

Conclusion:  don’t know...it is what it is and live with what you’ve got.  Easier said than done, I know.  But if you can get through it, you end up finding people who surprise you ! 

Note:   It would be interesting to hear comments....email me at panamalady@me.com